I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
