after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
