if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
