I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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