I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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