Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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