i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
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We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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