My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
