it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
