I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.