Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.