Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car