i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
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