I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
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Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
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Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.