Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Please, let me fuck your mom
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
