I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
