I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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