So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
