Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
