She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
