The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
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cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
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If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize