when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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