god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
