well most of my day revolves around power hour
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
