How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
