i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
