and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
