she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
my liver is dry heaving
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
