i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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