Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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