there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
