Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It's rum buckets o'clock
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize