I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
