So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
