nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
