shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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