Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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