You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
