your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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