You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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