Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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