Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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