I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
