OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
