i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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