I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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