The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
