It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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