Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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