A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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