Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
