so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
