Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i've created a new STD.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
