i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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