Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
