"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
