If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
