Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She even gives head with a lisp.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
