I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
