oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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