He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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